Operation Evil Kitty

I am not even remotely a cat person. Unfortunately, the lady across the street from me is. She has, I swear, like four thousand cats. And she feeds all of the feral cats in the neighbourhood, so we are overrun [Quick side note: she also lives with what appears to be her adult son who bears an uncanny resemblance to Randy from trailer Park Boys].  These are not adorable kittens or useful mouse catchers. These are filthy beasts (and they are filthy) that spend their days pooping in my garden, eating the leaves off my plants and giving me the evil eye from Charles' roof. All efforts against this feline invasion have been dubbed Operation Evil Kitty.

Our first attempts at OEK proved futile. I had heard that cats are particular about scents, so I loaded up our fence with diluted neem oil. I also heard that they don't like cayenne pepper, so I sprinkled that everywhere too. Add that to watering at night so the ground is too wet for any stealthy nighttime deposits, and we thought we had a pretty decent strategy. Alas, the effects of the neem/cayenne mix only lasted for a few days - less if it rained - and the cats turned out to have low standards as to the dryness of their "litter". There is nothing more frustrating than waking up to the shining sun, heading out to the garden to enjoy my morning coffee and being bombarded with smelly cat poop and the reminder of OEK's failure.

But wait! This is a triumphant tale! I woke up Saturday afternoon at 3 (we had quite the Friday night, fun and lap dances were had by all) and had an epiphany. What I needed to do was make the area of our fence that the cats use for transportation into an uninviting place. Did I mention how hungover I was? I hated life that day. Breathing was tough, so you can imagine what it took for me to put any plan at all into action. But I wandered into the garden, hammer and nails in hand, and drove ten 3-inch nails through the transportation area of the fence, at what I approximated to be kitty height. This took about thirty times longer than it should have, but now those bastards have to use the sidewalk like everyone else, or risk being poked by sharp objects. Today is the second morning in a row that I haven't found any evidence of cats in the garden. Suck on that kitties! Muahahahahaha!

Operation Evil Kitty - 1
Filthy Cats - 0