Lazy Potatoes

The last time I planted potatoes was kind of a disaster. I planted them in the middle of my veggie garden, not realizing how many other plants are firmly anti-tater. So I ended up with my tomatoes and onions and potatoes all on the same side of the garden and hating me for it. The potatoes got what appeared to be some sort of blight and all of the plants died off. Some of them grew back, and I managed to harvest quite a few very small potatoes. Then when I dug up the rest of the garden before we moved this year, I found a bunch more in the dirt that I brought to the new house and saved the rest for planting this year. I figured, shit, if they can make it through living with onions and tomatoes and blight and STILL grow, these little guys have some serious disease resistance now.

So, not wanting to have to deal with potatoes being shitty neighbours and being exceedingly cheap and lazy I devised a potato growing plan. It consists of trash bags and crates. No joke. That's it. I put a big plastic bag inside of each crate ind filled with a few inches of soil. Then I put my seed potatoes - eye-sprouts up - in the dirt, and covered with a couple more inches of soil. The last step was poking holes in the bottom and sides for drainage and tying off the too-large trash bags so they don't flap around all willy nilly in the wind. Then I probably took a nap, because that's how easy this shit is.

So I have these two crates, one with the old blight resistant red potatoes and one with yellow baby dutches I got from TJ's, and pretty much all there is to it is adding more soil when you have a few inches of potato plants above the soil. The idea is to keep the green growth to a minimum while encouraging tuber growth. Another perk is that the soil is always nice and loose, and you won't spend the next 5 years digging up wayward missed potatoes in your veggie garden. It isn't the prettiest method ever, but then again I never said it was, so slow your roll.

I'm at the point now where one of the plants is beginning to flower and both crates are filled to the top with soil. This is where the experimental part comes in. I'm just going to keep filling up the bags with soil, bit by bit, with the tops of the plants exposed, until I am out of bag. And then, when they are ready, I will spill the potato guts of the trash bags all over my backyard and collect the bounty. Much like a pirate. If pirates found bounty in the disembowelled bodies of their vicitms. What are pirating victims anyway? Piratees? The pirated? Piracy tragets? But enough of pirates. Here are the potatoes.

Officially Married to My Garden on Facebook!

After recently going through an emotionally bruising breakup with Dude (aren’t they all though, eh?), I decided that one of the best things I can do for myself is to take some time out of the dating circus and spend more time in the garden. I've gotten to a point in my dating career where I am just exhausted by it all - the games, the posturing, the bullshit. As a naturally optimistic person, I've had my fair share of disappointments when it comes to relationships, but this last one has me feeling completely depleted. It sucks to find out that the person you've been dating has been secretly judging you, and stockpiling a list of hurtful, if subjective, observations. What ever happened to "This isn't going to work" or "I don't want to date you anymore?". Uugh. I digress.

The point of this ramble is that I'm officially out of the game until I get over the myriad complexes Dude shoved down my throat when we parted ways. So I'm not single and looking, I'm single and never want to have sex again and just want to play in the dirt and be happy in the sun. The garden doesn't talk back or make excuses or run away scared when it can't find the words. With the garden, you put in effort, you get something in return (and not a slap in the face). So I figured, what the hell garden, we might as well make this Facebook official (which, if you are under 30, is “official” official).

But no! When I attempted to input the info about our blissful union, Facebook cockblocked me. Only people who are on Facebook can be listed on your profile. So I made my garden a profile and after tinkering with it for a bit to see what would be accepted by the FB overlords, wham bam thank you Facebook, it’s official!

The news feed read "Jamilah is married to Her Garden".

I don’t know why I find this so damn amusing, but I do.

And it is nice to be amused by something right about now.

Popping the Ol' Tomato From Seed Cherry...

With the move behind us, I was finally able to get my tomato seeds started at the end of April. Very late to the party, I know, and it definitely stressed me out. I want awesome delicious tomatoes damnit! But as I have yet to master the space-time continuum, I had to sow when I had to sow. I had the best of intentions on getting an early start on the tomatoes this year. I ordered my heirloom seeds from Gary Isben's TomatoFest months in advance. And then of course life happens, and moving happens, and then you find yourself 6-8 weeks behind in getting your seeds started wondering where all the time went. Le sigh.

This is my first year sowing from seed. I am very picky about my tomatoes - the bland mealy sandwich tomatoes that you find everywhere just don't cut it for me. I want different flavours and colours and textures. Sauce tomatoes, snacking tomatoes, cooking tomatoes, big tomatoes, little tomatoes. I feel a little like a prepubescent boy in the throws of pokemon fever. I want them all! The delicious possibilities are almost endless and, wanting to explore them, I bought every seed that caught my eye - Pink Ping Pong, Super Snow White, Riviera, Flamme, Evergreen, Black Krim and Black Prince, and TomatoFest threw in a Tropic hybrid freebie.

After consulting the seed pack, website instructions, myfolia.com and pretty much every other possible resource, I got to sowing. I decided to use 3" Jiffy peat pots, largely because they were on sale and I am cheap. Everyone says to use potting soil, but I was fresh out, so I used my garden soil, which was probably not the best idea I've ever had, but my impatience often leads me to roads less travelled.

I sowed 3 seeds per pot, gave 'em a good watering and put them on a tray in small trash bags with one end open. Within 10 days, all of the seedlings had sprouted, with the exception of the Black Prince seeds. Whether those failed me or I failed them, I have no idea, but they did a fat lot of nothing. I placed all the sprouts under my little 2ft Jumpstart light in our craft room and tried really hard not to forget about them. I've been keeping them on about 14-15 hours of light per day, watering any time the soil looks dry (but at most once a day).

A week after sprouting, I unexpectantly went out of town for the weekend. And forgot to turn off the lights. I know, I am a terrible person and a worse gardener. I almost killed all the little mofos because booty comes first. I have priorities, don't you judge me. Anyway, most of them bounced back pretty quickly, but the Rivieras, Snow Whites and Evergreens are still looking a little stunted. The rest of them have 2 or 3 true leaves and were big enough to be potted up this weekend. I finally replenished our potting soil supply, although I don't even know if it matters at this point. Thomas and I peeled off the old peat pots and ever-so-delicately separated each seedling. We planted each one in its own pot as deep as we could. I've heard that planting with the first little leaves beneath the soil encourages root growth so that's what we did.

As of this am, everyone seems pretty perky. Will upload a pic of the transplants just as soon as I get less lazy. Next up - Hardening Off!


Update: Less Lazy!